The pork Martini serves many needs on many levels! In these
promo days, when old formulas are reborn with futile twists for
our fickle, fin-de-siècle tastes, the meat cocktail stands
out above wobbly, cranberry-tainted attempts at bar trendiness.
When one abandons the olive garnish for that of a pork-rind wedge,
the pork Martini merges the flavors of the working class with
To begin the quest, approximately three ounces each of:
Sweet dried pork (an excellent Chinese snack food), pan-sauteed
ground pork (from the patty interior), boiled, sliced sweet Italian
dinner sausage, and briefly sauteed Spam were steeped separately
in approximately four ounces each of 100-proof Absolut vodka,
in covered wine glasses, for up to two weeks. The pork patty
and Spam were first sauteed till "done" in canola oil,
which was tipped away early to avoid
And we say to all ye porkies who are game:
Here's mud in your snout!
A farmer buys several pigs, hoping to breed them for ham, bacon, etc. After several weeks, he notices that none of the pigs are getting pregnant, and calls a vet for help.
The vet tells the farmer that he should try artificial insemination. The farmer doesn't have the slightest idea what this means but, not wanting to display his ignorance, only asks the vet how he will know when the pigs are pregnant. The vet tells him that they will stop standing around and will, instead, lay down and wallow in the mud when they are pregnant.
The farmer hangs up and gives it some thought. He comes to
Next morning, he wakes and looks out at the pigs. Seeing that they are all still standing around, he concludes that the first try didn't take, and loads them in the truck again. He drives them out to the woods, has sex with each pig twice for good measure, brings them back and goes to bed.
Next morning, he wakes to find the pigs still just standing around. One more try he tells himself, and proceeds to load them up and drive them out to the woods. He spends all day with them and, upon returning home, falls exhausted into bed.
The next morning, he cannot even raise himself from the bed
"No," she says, "they're all in the truck.