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FROM STONE AGE TO SAUS AGE

PORKSHIRE RENAISSANCE ALIVE AND WELL

  While barbecuing for the tribe at the Swine Mountain Club & Old Folks Retreat and rationalizing how to make the chicken go a little farther without using the usual chicken helper, Heir Smyth asked if there's something at hand to cut the chicken pieces in half.  I mentioned that we had poultry scissors. He then asked if I had any pork shears. "Pork shears", exclaimed The Major. He then inserted the question heard around the world, "What is the capitol of Porkshire?" And thus the commemoration began with Porkloinians celebrating throughout  the ancient streets of the walled city. What happened after that is public record. Queries were posed and hearts were enlightened with the repartee that is so colloquial to our primitive clan. Farmer John

"The Complete Guide for Overseas Visitors Traveling to Porkshire"

 

DAUGHTERS OF THE PORKSHIRE HISTORICAL PRESERVATION SOCIETY

 

A Tour Of Pork A Map Of Porkshire

THE SPOKEN HISTORY OF PORKSHIRE

Q: What is the capitol of Porkshire?

A: The ancient walled city of Pork.

Q: What was the first primitive man remains found in Porkshire named?

A: The Missing Link.

Q: What do they call the citizens from Porkshire?

A: Porkies or Porkloins.

Q: Who was the first new world explorer who sailed from Porkshire?

A: Sir Francis Bacon.

Q: What is the river that runs through Porkshire named?

A: The Upper Swine River

Q: The name of the famous town square in the Pork tourist area?

A: Piggadilly Circus

Q: The most infamous pub in Porkshire?

A:

Q: What is the old seaport in Porkshire named?

A: The Bay of Pigs

Q: What is the quaint bed and breakfast overlooking the bay?

A: The Glad Ham

Q: What is Porkshire's major international airline?

A: Pan Ham Airlines

 

Q: Favourite motorcar of the upper crust?

A: Porksca 911

Q: Who freed the hogs after the civil war?

A: AbraHam Linkoln

Q: What are the suburbs outside the walls called?

A: Hamlets

Q: Venereal disease carried by most prostitutes in the city?

A: Trick-inocious

Q: Citizens inflicted with dwarfism are called?

A: Pigmies

Q: The most popular ladies hair style in the kingdom?

A: Pigtails

Q: What is a dematologist called is Porkshire?

A: Rasher

Q: The most popular monster movie?

A: Hoggzilla

 

Q: Porkshire's most favourite light opera?

A: Porky and Bess

 

Q: Favourite family pet?

A: Hamster

Q: Cities' football team ?

A: The Razor Backs

Q: Most famous play?

A: Pigmalion

Q: Cabbage-like vegetable colloquial to Porkshire?

A: Brussel snouts

Q: Name of stock exchange?

A: Sow Jones

Q: Most traded commodity?

A: Porkbellies

Q: Porkshire usually receives snow after a what moves through?

A: Trough of cold air

Q: What do they call chronic foot oder.

A: Pickled

Q: What do they call nervous children in Porkshire?

A: Hyper-links

Q: What do they call illegal aliens from Italy living in Porkshire?

A: Guinea Pigs

Q: Most popular boy band in Porkshire?

A: 'N Lync

Q: Most celebrated sow chef in Porkshire?

A: Hoofgang Puck

Q: A salve used to sooth a sore throat?

A: Throat oinkment

Q: Most famous hairsylist in Porkshire?

A: Videl Sowsoon

Q: Who is the Queen Mother of Porkshire?

A: Queen Pigtoria

Q: What is Porkshire's favorite ice cream?

A: Hoggendaz

Q: What do they call six hookers in a van?.

A: Squeals on Wheels

Q: What do you call a porkie whos lost his voice?

A: Disgruntled

Q: What do you call a lawyer in Pork?

A: Sowlicitor

Q: What did the deaf pig from Spain say to the other pig?

A: Pork-que?

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The New Pork Times is not personally responsible for the content of the publication. In fact we are clearly not responsible swine at all. All legal inquiries should be fowarded to our corporate sowlicitors: Messrs. Hoggit & Sowem a subsiderary of Dewey, Slaughter & Howe * 29-45 Sloptrough Terrace, Pork, Central Porkshire WC1