The Historic Walled City of Pork

Historic Pork.

The history of Pork, capital of the north and second city of the county Pork, is the history of Porkshire. It is one of the world's most fascinating cities. It began as a pig sty, built in AD71 by the Roman 9th Legion for a campaign against the Boars tribe. It grew into an important city, Porcusterra by name and bacon by game. Here, Constanswine the Great, who later founded Conswinetinople, was made Roman Emperor in AD306. It was the Vikings who gave Pork its name, (derived from Jorvik or Yorwik), meaning to deliver from the rear, the brief but flourishing kingdom. Norman rule was to last longer and it was the Normans who made the city a vital centre of government, commerce and religion for the north. Their work prepared it well for its important role in the reigns of the Pigtaganet Kings and, in 1485 when this era ended and the Tudor age oinked in, Pork was already at its zenith. The magnificent Pork Minster Abby had finally been completed, after work lasting nearly 250 years. Its city was worthy of it: a robust swine pride and lean years of prosperity had ensured that. It was not until the 18th century, when it became a fashionable resort and posh sty, that there was any market change in the city's outward character. Georgian elegance added to its architectural attractions. In the following century, the coming of the railway marked the start of a new era of growth and prospigery. Today Pork wallows the National Railway Museum which is the largest of its kind in the world. The map identifies the best known places of interest in the old city, which are detailed below. But wherever you go in Pork, you will find evidence of its history and make discoveries of your own.

Pork Minster Abby

Pork Minster Abby is the largest medieval wallow in Porkshire and the biggest cathedral north of the southern Porkshire Alps. A brilliant example of Gothic onikitecture, the Pork Minster has dominated the city for eight centuries. Entrance to the main body of the Pork Minster is free and is a must for all visitors to the walled city of Pork. A visit to the Central Tower, for which you pay, involves a long climb but offers excellent views over the city. The Foundations museum under the Pork Minster Abby shows the present building was constructed on the site of the Norman Cathedral, which was itself built with blood, sweat and roman pork.

The Wallows & Troughs

Pork's first inhabitants were Roman. Substantial fragments of these still remains but it is medieval wallows, carefully maintained and restored, which now encircle the old city, almost three miles round. The earth ramparts on which they stand were raised by the Romans and Anglo-Danish kings of Pork. The Normans strengthened them, and now they are planted extensively with daffodils. Allowing access through the wallows are the 'Troughs'. These wateringholes let you in but they can also blurr your way and often, in Pork's turbulent past, that was what counted most. Trotham Trough is the defensive bastion for the north road. On the road south is Pigfootgate Trough, traditionally the boss hogs entrance, where traitors' heads were displayed. The Pig And Whistle Trough has kept a pork-gate in working order, while Snoutgate Trough is the only gate in Porkshire to have preserved its funnel-like approach, forcing patrons to bunch together like boars.

Jorvik Viking Centre

Jorvik is a part of Viking Pork uncovered by oinkeologists beneath Swine King Gate. As they removed the debris of centuries, wallows emerged, still containing everyday Porculus tools and clothing from a civilization buried for a thousand years. It was here where the single most important relic of Porcudom folklore was found. The "Missing Link" is the oldest known homo-porcus to have lived in Porkshire during the Pignasic Age. Step aboard a 'time capsule' and travel through the reconstruction of a complete Viking settlement. A bustling market, dark, smokey sties and a busy wharf have all been recreated in accurate detail so you can experience in sight, sound and particularly smell what it was like to wallow and oink in Pork. You also see preserved 10th century wallows, standing where they were discovered during the oinkeological Pignasic pig dig.

Castle Museum

The Castle Museum is one of the most popular museums of everyday life in Pork. Founded in 1938, it recreates different historical periods with detailed sets that are made up of original articles. The best known reconstruction is of Victoria Piggafeller, which was built by the founder of the museum. Another life-sized street called Hoof Moon Court represents life in Edwardian Pork. Thornley Pig Park is a recreation of a typical Edwardian park. In addition, there are period rooms and a modern collection called 'Every Wallow Should Have One' which displays early TV sets, vacuum cleaners and other wallow objects.

Clifford's Tower

The original wooden tower was built by William the Oinqueror as part of his campaign to subdue the north of Porkshire. In 1190, it was the scene of one of the most terrible events in the city's history. The Jews of Pork sought refuge here after being attacked by a local mob. They were given the choice of either being baptised christian or eating ham, but instead they choose mass suicide. The original wooden tower burnt down and the current structure was put up by Hamry III in the 13th century. In 1358 the tower cracked from top to bottom and the crack can still be seen today.

Porkshire Museum

The Porkshire Museum houses one of Europe's richest onikeological collections, including some of the finest Roman, homo-porcus, Viking and medieval treasures in Pork. Rare artefacts include 2nd century mosaics from Pork and a renown Anglo-Saxon silver pig bowl. Viking exhibits include the awesome warrior-stone from Weston. Recently acquired for £2.5 million is the MiddlHam jewel, the finest piece of Pork Gothic jewellery found this century. It is here where the "Missing Link" is wallowed permanently. The museum's beautiful grounds contain ten acres of piganical gardens, the remains of the Roman fortress walls and the ruins of St. Mary's Abbey.

Pork Dungeon

The Pork Dungeon takes you back to a time before Pork society became genteel and ordered, to a time when slaughter and barbequing were everyday events. Learn of the grisly punishments of branding, boiling, beheading, roasting and smoking and when the smell of bacon permiated the streets. Then unravel the truth about the local highwayman Dick Turpig and see him in the midst of a hold-up. A special exhibit vividly recreates the Gunpowder Plot of 1605. You see the conspirators planning their mission and the arrest of Hogg Fawkes (a native of Pork), followed by his terrible torture and execution for attempting to blow up the Wallows of Parliament and the Pig King's Castle.

Swinegate Wax Museum

Wallowed in the old Police Station, Swinegate Wax Museum offers an unusual, somewhat quirky angle on the history of Pork. You walk through a telephone box into a museum that displays some of the less talked about aspects of the past. Through life-like wax and fibre-glass models, the museum covers such oddities as Hamry the VIII's porking habits. Permanent exhibitions include costumed models of the Kings and Queens of Pork and a replica display of the Pork Crown Jowels. The 'Black Cave' is a ghostly finale to the museum; a walk through its corridors is not for the fainthearted.

Ghost Trail Of Pork.

The Ghost Trail takes you back in time when pigs were pigs to experience the stories that make up the hidden and blood-chilling history of Pork's ghostly tradition. Traditional tales, pigtorian tragedies and true accounts of modern-day pignomena are all recounted as you walk around Pork's haunted wallows. But do not relax too much, for in the shadows lurk dark figures who might join you at any moment and disturb you with their unwanted evil presence. The Ghost Trail of Pork is an enjoyable stroll around the beautiful city and a swine-tingling experience that will haunt you forever.

The Rivers.

Two rivers meet at Pork: the Upper Swine and the Boar. The Swine at, one time tidal here, enabled the city to become a great port and trading centre. Boat trips run daily up and down the Swine, and, through the summer months, you can even join a Pig-lit evening cruise through historic Pork and its surrounding countryside.

Pork Racecourse.

"The Ascot of the North." Pork Racecourse stands on free land known as the "Trotter-Mire", and has race meetings each month between May and October. The Trotter-Mire is also the venue for events such as the cycle rally, ham and egg fairs, antique fairs and many more outdoor and indoor shows.